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Bootlegging in Southwest Asia

(an e-mail from Tim)

As an active member of several state bar associations, the American Bar Association, the Antitrust Bar Association, the Nearly Disbarred Association - not to mention the Passed Out on the Bar Association - I am aware that this message violated my ethical obligations as well a host of federal and international copyright laws.

What bootleg DVDs do you want?!  Attack of the Clones? Spiderman? Scooby Doo? Monsters, Inc.?  Lord of the Rings II - Saving Vivendi Universal!  The Pam Anderson - Tommy Lee Boat Trip Video Tape?  U.S. Presidents Gone Wild - the Bill Clinton Years (featuring naughty co-eds, community college cuties, and sexy sorority singles!)? 

If a movie has been released in the past 48 hours, it is on sale somewhere in Southeast Asia.  If a movie has not been released but has been filmed, it is available on DVD.  Hell, if a movie has been contemplated but not filmed, then some enterprising Vietnamese has made his own version of how the movie should be - a'la Matrix II starring Vien Troc, Nyguen Van, San He, and Jamal Washington as Morpheus.  Who would have thought that Zion City would look just like parts of Haiphong Harbor?

Prices range from $4 to $10 per movie.  I have reliable sources that the best places to purchase these movies are near the Thai - Malaysia border and in Kuming, China.   Right now, there is a good selection at 50,000 rupees (roughly $6).  However, I am hoping to be able to save my customers the additional 75 cents.

Also, I cannot vouche for the quality of the bootlegs.  They may be grainy or lopsided.  You may find that Peter Parker speaks rapid-fire Chinese, lugubrious Malay, or cat-strangling Thai.  Obi Wan Kenobe may consult his Little Red Book and use the force of Mao's teachings to vanquish the evil forces of Darth Americus.  At the end of the movie, Scooby may be served as the main course in Shaggy and Daphne's wedding feast - Fred being revealed as a running dog capitalist and sent to the country for re-education; while Shaggy is seen as a true son of the revolution.  After all, Shaggy is a peasant - he does have the most experience with agriculture.

Despite these risks, you have to admit it would be cool to have a pirated DVD of Attack of the Clones when the movie is still showing at the Uptown. It would really annoy your serious Star Wars fan friends who are still paying to see it in the theater in a vain attempt to find something redeeming about that film.

As for the risk of prosecution, I have retained the services of a small, high-quality, Florida-based outfit that specializes in intellectual property law - Adam C. Underwood Attorney-At-Law.  The legal fees from this project should amount to the tens of millions.  Sadly, it is tens of millions of Indonesian rupees.

Anyway, please let me know what films you want.

Tim